Monday, November 10, 2008

Back to normal?

Well I think we can all say we are ready for a little normalcy in our lives. However the last few days with my family have shown us that we will all need to find a new normal. I look forward, anxiously, to that.

My parents are almost finished installing hardwood floors in their home so mom can get around the house with more ease. Thank you Faith Construction for your generous gift of time! My mom and I had a fun day Friday. We went to Wal-Mart in Gun Barrel City-- Major Outing! Then to a local tea room for lunch. I managed to get both Cib and my mom in their respective chairs and into the restaurant, just in time for Cib to poop all in his seat, clothes...even his shoes. We all had a good laugh. Even my mom was a good sport...I put her wheel chair together wrong (first time) and the wheels wobbled every where we went. I am just thankful they didnt fall off!

I am so thankful my mom is home. But honestly my heart is incredibly heavy. There are many big challenges ahead of our family. A great sense personally of being torn. I want to be the best I can as a mother, wife and daughter...not to mention all the other roles I play. I dont want to let anyone down or miss one precious moment. Please pray for strength and clarity for me. I feel so selfish even asking, but some days the tasks are so enumerable that I can not even start. I just want to be a new mother. I want to soak up the son I have waited so long to meet. Thank you for your prayers for myself and my family.

I hope that very soon I can go back to the fun posts of a new mother.


Natasha said...

I have thought some of the same thoughts you are having, for you. I will be praying. God will give you the strength and energy for each task, role and responsibility, even when you don't think you have it in you or can do it. It's a praise to Him if you are feeling weak because then He is strong in you. Be encouraged. I love you all and will be praying...

Granny Nanny said...

Amen,Natasha! We are continuing to pray for your Mom, your Dad, your Grandparents, Russell, Austin, Cib, and You! Please know that I stand ready to do whatever else I can to help you be all that you need to be to Mom, Cib, and Austin. Please feel free to call -I will be there - if there is any way I can - I hope you know that.
So thankful your mom is home - she is so brave and I KNOW she is glad to be there!
Love to you ALL - Forever - Granny Nanny
By the way --- YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB OF ALL YOUR JOBS --- and I meant to yell that so you could hear it with your heart!! You are doing your very BEST and from my perspective - you are doing a GREAT JOB!!!
PS. Happy Birthday Austin!!!!
PPS. Your first "mommy" party on Tuesday was AWESOME --- did you hear that? I mean it with all my heart!!!

Kim said...

You don't know me; or I you. I work at Eustace and that would be our only tie. I have kept an eye on your site to see how everybody is doing. I can totally relate to your feelings. You see, last year (August 2007), my mother fell and broke her hip at my son's 7th birthday bowling party. Before they fixed her hip, they discovered she had lung cancer as well. I was very scared for my mom, dad and myself. My folks live in Waco, so we had Mom transported there for the surgery. They had to fix the hip, let her recover from that, then remove a part of her lung in November. I spent many hours driving back and forth from here to Waco crying and talking to God. I have a brother who lives in Waco as well, but I felt that I needed to be there. That he wouldn't ask the right questions, and not have the same concerns as I would. My Daddy was so stressed because he is a "fixer" and he couldn't "fix" Mom. So that first long trip to Waco, I ask God to give me a sign that everything would be okay. I asked Him to show me a yellow car. I know there are yellow cars running the road, but the back roads from here to Waco, there really aren't. I no more finished speaking with Him, when I passed a broke down yellow tow truck, then a yellow bug, and a yellow mustange. I passed more yellow cars that day on Hwy 31, than I have seen running around GBC. I knew God had given me my sign. But that didn't mean I didn't feel torn on what to do, who to be. I was 36. I was mad that at that age I HAD to become the care take of both my parents. I was to young to be in that position. I didn't feel I would be there unitl much later in my life. I have shed many tears. Not only for my folks, but for my husband and son. I felt that I left them hanging. But I knew in my hart of harts when I was in Waco, that is where I needed to be. It has been a almost a year since the lung surgery, and Mom is clear. They did discover that she also had lymph-omo (so about the spelling on that). So I was driving in to go to doctor appointments with her and Daddy for that after she recovered from lung surgery. The doctor told her that she would die one day, with lympomo, but not because of it. She does get regular check ups and everything is good.
So sorry I have rattled on. My point is that we can get mad for being put in the position that we were given. But then we have to go on and get over it. Each and everyday will be easier for all of you. Think of how much time Cib is getting to spend with his grandmother, that he proabably wouldn't have normally. He is going to be the extra strength that everybody needs. I'm sure you husband understands 110 percent. Live for the moment, and try not to let it get you down. I will check on you later...