I am a mother. This evening I gave my son a bath, read him a story and put him to bed while singing our favorite hymn, Come Thou Fount. It was an extraordinary experience. Sure, all moms get their heart strings tugged on daily. But for me I think it is extra special. It is moments like these when I realize what might have never been. You see, I am a mother....but I am also a barren woman. If not for the miracle of modern medicine (Invitro Fertilization to be exact) - and of course the blessing of the Lord - I would have never had children. If I had been born 30 years ago, I would have simply not had children and just the knowledge of that fact shakes me to my core.
It is still hard for me to stomach and some times to say out loud, "I am barren" For five years my husband and I tried and tried and tried with and without medical help to conceive a child with no avail. We then began the journey, the very challenging journey of IVF.
I am truly the most blessed woman! The Lord gave me a beautiful baby boy at the end of that hard journey. Then you must be asking yourself, "why are you writing about infertility when you already have baby?"
Good Question! My husband and I are now graffling again with more treatment to have more children. You see, as an infertile woman, you can't just wait and see how many children you might have out of the joy of making love to your husband or actively plan with assurance for more children. For example, I know that I have two embryos left. There are a predictable amount of outcomes with two embryos. Perhaps I will have twins. Maybe just one. OR Maybe, God forbid, no more children at all.
I am writing this post for those women out there that need a girl friend's guide to infertility. There is plenty of medical advice on the internet but no one to shoot it to you straight. That is what I am here to do.
I have really wrestled with rather or not to do this upcoming Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) publicly or not. I was very open with my friends and family with our first IVF experience. But if my sharing any part of this journey - good or bad - helps one woman feel like she is not alone, then I have accomplished something.
My FET is currently scheduled for November 20, 2009. This date can change a little depending on my cycle but I will begin to make regular entries of all the down low of this process. The good, the bad and the ugly.
We are 'day 3' today. Which means I have been taking birth control for three days now. You might ask, "why are you taking the pill if you are trying to get pregnant?" Good Q!
The doctor needs to basically put me in menopause, shutting down my reproductive system, so that he can take control of it, make it think I am pregnant and then put the embryos back in and hopefully really BE pregnant.