Monday, October 4, 2010

Hold Your Breath...Here Comes the Cold Water!

Well... I have been writing this post and deleting it for a few days now. So here goes nothing.

Have you ever had the dream where you are naked in front of a large group of people? Well, I have. Usually I am about 17 and some how show up to school wearing my birthday suit and all my fellow classmates have a good chuckle. I am not sure why I am always a teenager in these dreams...presumably because these were not my best moments in life. I wasnt very grounded and sought the approval of others in almost everything I did. Thank goodness high school is only four years and we all grow up...well most of us anyway. :)

Writing this particular post feels a lot like standing naked in front of the Pineville High School class of 1999. I started this blog so that maybe someone else could benefit from my struggles with fertility, but after our last failed FET in April, I closed the doors of our fertility journey to the outside world.

A few weeks ago I ran into someone I haven't seen in more than 8 years. This person confided in me that they and a friend of theirs I have never met, read my blog regularly and found a lot of hope in their own fertility struggles. It reminded me that although I can not fully understand it- in this life, Infertility is part of God's greater plan for us. He will be truly glorified through our journey....even when I feel as if I have failed. Which means not only sharing God's miracles in our lives but our struggles as well.

SO....I am swinging open the doors once again with a prayer that those who read about our struggles and God's victories in this life will be comforted to know they are not alone.

We are against all odds and due to God's abundant mercy starting the IVF process again. I have had two minor surgeries in the last 6 weeks to correct a recently found uterine birth defect. I start medications this Friday and on Dec. 1st we pray that that dreaded (pregnancy) test, that I hate so much, will say..Yes, you will have another child.

In the meantime we ask you to pray with us. Pray that we don't miss a day of the miracle child we have in Cibbers. And pray that the Lord will make me a fruitful tree. These are the scriptures that I am currently reciting in prayer.
Psalm 113:9
He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD.
Psalm 128:3
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your sons will be like olive shoots
around your table.
Leviticus 26:9
I will look on you with favor and make you fruitful and increase your numbers, and I will keep my covenant with you.

I pray nightly with a very full heart of empathy for those known and unknown to me struggling with fertility. If we have met or not, I hope you know we are walking this road together.

3 comments:

Granny Nanny said...

I love you all --- and I am glad to have the scriptures to pray and claim for you and Austin...and for all those who are struggling to have precious little ones! Forever - Granny Nanny

Natasha said...

Ambs - I finally had a free moment to catch up on your blog...Not sure when or why I stopped reading all my friends' blogs. I guess I got busy in Oct. looking and interviewing for jobs. Anyway, praying for you constantly, as always, for God to bless you with children, as I know He wills. All in His perfect timing, which I pray is now! I love you...
N.

margaret said...

hello, i would love to tell you about how i got pregnant and gave birth to a bouncing baby boy, it all happened through a tradomedicaldoctor from malaysia.. he made some portions for me, said some incantations and spell , then told me to make passionate love to my spouse on a particular date, i did and weeks later, i was doing pregnancy tests.. POSITIVE… Thanks to him. check malaysiafertilitydoctor.webs.com or mail him on doctorfertilitymalaysia yahoo.com… GodBless