The Same

My fingers cramp as I type. We've lost one our precious babies. This feels entirely too familiar. We are angry, stricken with grief and screaming, "WHY!" It would seem our road to parenthood is partially paved with loss. I personally have never felt more stupid. I knew better. I have been here before. I spent weeks guarding my heart from excitement and acceptance of the news that we would have multiples. Despite my best efforts, I gave in. I had to begin the search for a special OB for the babies. There were mountains of books to read about multiples. And everyone around me had embraced the news. So I went head first into excitement mode, into worry mode, into acceptance. Yet here I am. Feeling stupid for my excitement and having to tell folks that we have lost another baby.

Please pray for Austin and I. We are in shock. This is exactly, almost to the day, when we lost the twins during my pregnancy with Cib. A pattern is emerging. We meet with the doctor this afternoon.

Pray for comfort. Pray for this remaining child to be healthy and strong. That as my body absorbs the other baby that our remaining child will be unaffected. That God will fill our hearts with joy that will over come our sadness. That we can be excited and wait hopefully for our remaining child. And that our hearts will antipate meeting the one we lost in heaven.