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I have been sitting here staring at this blank screen thinking, no body wants to hear what is going on because I don't have anything positive to report. But...ugh....it is more for me than you that I write today. I need some outlet to say WHAT THE HECK!!! Things seem so unfair right now! My mom's legs were taken from her and it is unfair! There - I have said it! This sucks! It breaks my heart to watch/listen to her daily in more constant pain then I can humanly imagine enduring. She is depressed and rightfully so. I think she, like me, in some dark corner of her mind thought this will pass. She has been SO strong and diligent. Now, she is tired, she feels broken, betrayed by her own body, and all together empty. I want so badly to rewind time. Please Lord, let me rewind to that day. Let me help her be some where else, doing something else. But I can't. (And yes I know that the Lord does have a plan and that this will be better) I also know I am human and I grieve like a human.

Thanksgiving was supposed to be a hallmark day of family, smiles, rejoicing...blah blah blah. It turned out to be nothing like that. My mom was in so much pain and so sad that she couldn't be doing all things we has traditionally done for years. I was stretched thin from preparing most of the Thanksgiving meal, watching a sick baby, trying to stay up-beat, and ended up with food poisoning and throwing up from about 24 hours. My dad's back is killing him. He is sleeping (or trying to) in a recliner chair in the living room. He looks tired and spent. My brother seems to think that right now is a good time to plan a wedding for himself and his bride to be of 19! And my sweet husband couldn't hardly be pried from an all day college football-athon. Whew!

I recount all of this to you for my own therapy and to beg of you for more prayers. My family feels broken. I pray pray pray that the Lord will take my mother's pain and restore her joy. I pray that my daddy will find relief and rest. I pray that my brother will be wise in major decisions. I pray that my sweet baby's ear infection and cold will go away soon. I pray that my husband can read my mind and know exactly when I need to hear that this too will pass. I see this list of wants and think, what more can I ask for? The Lord has given me a beautiful baby and a best friend I am lucky to call my husband. He has spared my parent's lives on multiple occasions. We have a home, friends who love us and for now Austin has a job. Do you see my dilemma? I want to cry out WHY?! but followed by a hardy THANK YOU!

Soooo I guess my real prayer is that the Lord will blind me and my family to a current list of Oh Crap's and magnify my list of Praise God's.