Just got back from the High Risk OB for our 8 month check up. Another A+ appointment for our boy! He is still weighing in about two weeks ahead of schedule at 5 pounds 2 ounces. Lungs, Heart, Kidneys, etc look great! We go back in three weeks as we close in on Cib's birthday.
I also wanted to address a question about the nursery pics. The screen door you see on his nursery is to keep our kitty babies out of the nursery and adds a cool beachy feel to his little beach house while allowing us to keep his actual door open and we can still see in.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Momma to be at 8 months
Austin and I just returned from a most needed 'baby moon' trip! We ventured to the happening town of Mineola, TX and stayed at the Fall Farms Inn. It was a great trip! We watched TV, read and laid out in the sunshine. Austin cooked me a wonderful meal of Japanese Sea bass. Delicious! Here I am counting the days until we get to meet our precious one from the porch of our East Texas Vacation Get Away!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
A Mother's Work
Drum Roll Please....At almost 32 weeks I have finally (well minus a few details) finished the nursery! With MUCH help from my mother who helped paint some of the things on the walls and my dad who built the book shelves you see and my sweet husband who helped paint, install lighting, put stuff together, etc. I wanted to paint every thing on his walls myself so this took me a while. I feel like a mom more and more each day. It brought me great joy putting together a little home for our sweet boy, Cib. Welcome to Cib's Beach House!
And thank you to each person who gave us something to help make Cib's nursery extra special!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Blessings from the Fast Lane
WOW! I have had my first 'OH SH*T!' moment. I am having a baby in 74 days or LESS! All that is still to be done! Finishing the nursery, having the car seat installed, oh and I have an event for 700 plus people I am managing on May 8th! I have got to be an adrenaline junkie!
How could years of waiting have dissolved into just 74 more days until I meet God's little miracle and blessing for Austin and I?! We are on the edge of our biggest prayer and dream coming true! How does one proceed in life when one's biggest desire has been filled? WOW! WOW! WOW! We can NOT wait!
Last Thursday, April 24th we saw our High Risk OB for Cib's 29 week check up. Another A+ visit! The doctor says he is still a 'big boy' measuring in at the 78% percentile and weighing almost 4 pounds. This is great news as remaining triplets often struggle in size and internal development. Cib is truly our miracle baby!
The only down side to his stout figure is that it increases my chance for early inducement due to size and/or increased for C section. Either way we are excited to meet this little boy!
How could years of waiting have dissolved into just 74 more days until I meet God's little miracle and blessing for Austin and I?! We are on the edge of our biggest prayer and dream coming true! How does one proceed in life when one's biggest desire has been filled? WOW! WOW! WOW! We can NOT wait!
Last Thursday, April 24th we saw our High Risk OB for Cib's 29 week check up. Another A+ visit! The doctor says he is still a 'big boy' measuring in at the 78% percentile and weighing almost 4 pounds. This is great news as remaining triplets often struggle in size and internal development. Cib is truly our miracle baby!
The only down side to his stout figure is that it increases my chance for early inducement due to size and/or increased for C section. Either way we are excited to meet this little boy!
Monday, April 21, 2008
7 months-Mommy BFF's
One giant blessing for me has been sharing the pregnancy experience with my sister/best friend Natasha. This picture was taken of us with me at 27 weeks and her at 33 weeks. Our sweet babies will be just 6 weeks a part. It's been an amazing road to walk together.
Bon Voyage to Sleeping Through the Night - The Baby Party
Then off to Houston for a Nautical Themed Baby Party. We danced and ate amazing food, it was awesome. I was a real rock star, staying up until 1 a.m.! So many H-town peeps we love so much were there to help us celebrate and say bon voyage to sleeping through the night.
Austin and I feel so blessed to have each of you in our lives. We can't wait for Cib to meet everyone! Thank you all so much for loving and supporting us.
Showered with Love
The last two weekends Austin, Cib and I have been absolutely showered with love! First our Dallas friends threw us an absolutely gorgeous brunch to celebrate baby Cib. The food was amazing and the friends very sweet. My sister and mother in law both flew in for the day to be a part of it. It was all perfect!
Friday, March 28, 2008
My sweet Son, 6 months 1 week
Yesterday, for me, was one of those 'life moments'. We had our monthly high risk OB appt, where we get to see Cib in high def. Suddenly, on the screen was this precious little face. He was yawning! (as you can see in the pictures) He has Austin's cheeks and toes and my chin. I began to cry. I said through my tears, "He looks real!" Well that is silly, of course he is real. But he looks like a baby. A beautiful baby. Maybe the most cute face I have ever seen in my life. The Lord did this. Knitted together this little person for His glory and to bless me. I am overwhelmed by His graciousness. I woke last night at 2 a.m. and just sat there crying out of sheer joy. That was my son's face! He is beautiful, just beautiful!
Cib is in the 75% percentile for his age group and weighs in at 2.25 pounds! The doctor said this is a BIG boy. On his current track he will be around the 10 pound mark on my due date. Another A+ visit! Praise the Lord for this gift. Worth every year of hoping and wishing and praying for this boy.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Happy Easter
It's been a while since I have made an entry, so I thought I would update everyone. We are rounding the bend on the home stretch and very excited to meet our precious boy! He is moving and shaking on a very regular basis these days. Austin (aka Daddy) put the crib and changing table together this past week. Now every time we pass it we say, "That's where Cib sleeps!" It's fun getting ready, if it is possible to be ready. I am nesting up a storm. Organizing things to death, my poor husband is trying to help. I hope you all have an amazing Easter and celebration of our savior's Resurrection!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Getting the All Clear
Today we got wonderful news. Baby Cib got the all clear from the High Risk OB! His heart, brain and anatomy all look great. The doctor explained that remaining babies from a triplet pregnancy tend to struggle in size and development. He said if he did not know my history and based on Cib's growth he would think he had been a healthy singleton baby from the start. After our all clear, well actually Dr Magee said, "You get an A+!", he said welcome to the other side of pregnancy. He acknowledged the weight you carry around as an IVF patient, the holding your breath even after the doctors all say you are ok, etc. He said we looked happy and it had finally sunk in, We are having a baby. A healthy baby. Welcome to the other side, the peaceful side, the beautiful side of pregnancy.
As of now, Cib weighs one whole pound and continues to meausre a full two weeks ahead of my due date. Both GREAT signs! Dr. Magee will continue to monitor us just as a precaution but feels confident we are all going to be just fine.
I love you baby Cib. I can't wait to meet you!
As of now, Cib weighs one whole pound and continues to meausre a full two weeks ahead of my due date. Both GREAT signs! Dr. Magee will continue to monitor us just as a precaution but feels confident we are all going to be just fine.
I love you baby Cib. I can't wait to meet you!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
A daddy's view on things
From Austin:
Last night was a great moment for me as a Dad. I felt my little baby Cib kick! I can't wait to meet the little guy. For now though we'll have to just have story time every night. I am somewhat jealous that Amber gets to feel him moving around all day, but as I told her, having to get up 3 times a night to pee because he's sitting on her bladder makes me less jealous.
From Amber:
I was shocked that Cib was willing to perform on command. I said, he is kicking! Austin said let me feel. He leaned down to talk to Cib with his hand on my stomach. Austin said "I love you Cib! Daddy loves you!" And Cib kicked! Austin's eyes immediately lit up. "Was that it!" He said...that was it. This is all too amazing to be real.
Last night was a great moment for me as a Dad. I felt my little baby Cib kick! I can't wait to meet the little guy. For now though we'll have to just have story time every night. I am somewhat jealous that Amber gets to feel him moving around all day, but as I told her, having to get up 3 times a night to pee because he's sitting on her bladder makes me less jealous.
From Amber:
I was shocked that Cib was willing to perform on command. I said, he is kicking! Austin said let me feel. He leaned down to talk to Cib with his hand on my stomach. Austin said "I love you Cib! Daddy loves you!" And Cib kicked! Austin's eyes immediately lit up. "Was that it!" He said...that was it. This is all too amazing to be real.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Everybody was Kung Foo Fighting
Well I think we may have a soccer player on our hands! I felt that sweet boy kick for the first time on Sunday, Feb. 17th! So FUN! We are getting so excited to meet him! We had our 5 month doc appt this morning with the regular OB. Heartbeat is strong and all is well! Our final heart/brain check with the high risk OB is next Thursday. I feel so blessed every day and thank the Lord for each day I have with Cib! Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!
Monday, February 4, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Austin's 30th Birthday
Thank you to everyone who came such a long way to help celebrate! Sorry it has taken me a while to get these up. This was 8 weeks preggy for me. :)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
IT'S A.....
BOY! Clisby Austin Fatheree 'Cib' is scheduled to arrive on July 13th, 2008 (our 6th Wedding Anniversary) We are very blessed! Thank you for your prayers and support of our sweet Cib!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Graduation
Austin and I hit a huge milestone: We graduated from the fertility specialist! This means we are 'normal' and can see a 'normal' OB. YIPPIE! Wow, it was much more emotional to leave the people who have walked this path alongside us for the last six months. I cried and we all hugged. Then it dawned on me...WE STILL HAVE TWO IN THE FREEZER! We will see our friends at Dr. Pinto's fertility clinic soon enough for round two. A little overwhelming to think about right now.
We have now seen the regular OB and High Risk OB (will probably only see him a couple times) We saw the baby and all looks good. HR OB says we have a good lookin' kid! :) Not seeing the baby and seeing with my own eyes that it's ok is hard for me. Now we are like 'normal' OB patients. I see the doctor once a month but get more sonos than normal. We will find out the sex of the baby in about two and half weeks at my next appointment. I can't wait! We both want a healthy baby and dont really care what we have. BUT on the way home yesterday we agreed to say what we would like at the same time on the count of three...1...2...3..BOY! Unanimous. We immediately both said but we would be very happy with a little girl too! Just healthy.
We painted the baby's room and the guest bathroom this past weekend. Well we STARTED those projects...maybe bit off a little more than we can chew but it is coming along. I walked into the baby's room, as we are now calling it, and got a little teary eyed. In six and half months my precious baby will sleep in that room. It made me think of the empty place in our hearts we have had for this child then I realized like the room which we used to call the study although when showing our home it was "This is the study and future baby's room" The room has never been empty, just filled with different things. Our hearts have not had an empty place because we have loved this baby for a very long time. Now getting to meet that hambone (this is what we call the baby to avoid saying 'it') is such a blessing! I feel like I have known him/her for a long time.
I remember the day after they retrieved my eggs (sorry if this is TMI then dont read..I am not used to everyone knowing much more than I was once comfortable sharing) I dont think Austin and I realized how scared or nervous we were that this would work until the doctor called the day after retrieval and said, "You have 6 embryos. You are half way there!" Austin and I burst into tears and hugged. Neither of us said it out loud before but we both were worried about the what if's of this not working. Every time I think back through this process, I am reminded of so many things along the way but something that stands out to me is the blessing of my marriage. When the baby is born we will have been married 6 years. For all the heartache we have endured I would not trade one day of those years together just being married. The Lord blesses us in ways we usually dont even see at the time.
We have now seen the regular OB and High Risk OB (will probably only see him a couple times) We saw the baby and all looks good. HR OB says we have a good lookin' kid! :) Not seeing the baby and seeing with my own eyes that it's ok is hard for me. Now we are like 'normal' OB patients. I see the doctor once a month but get more sonos than normal. We will find out the sex of the baby in about two and half weeks at my next appointment. I can't wait! We both want a healthy baby and dont really care what we have. BUT on the way home yesterday we agreed to say what we would like at the same time on the count of three...1...2...3..BOY! Unanimous. We immediately both said but we would be very happy with a little girl too! Just healthy.
We painted the baby's room and the guest bathroom this past weekend. Well we STARTED those projects...maybe bit off a little more than we can chew but it is coming along. I walked into the baby's room, as we are now calling it, and got a little teary eyed. In six and half months my precious baby will sleep in that room. It made me think of the empty place in our hearts we have had for this child then I realized like the room which we used to call the study although when showing our home it was "This is the study and future baby's room" The room has never been empty, just filled with different things. Our hearts have not had an empty place because we have loved this baby for a very long time. Now getting to meet that hambone (this is what we call the baby to avoid saying 'it') is such a blessing! I feel like I have known him/her for a long time.
I remember the day after they retrieved my eggs (sorry if this is TMI then dont read..I am not used to everyone knowing much more than I was once comfortable sharing) I dont think Austin and I realized how scared or nervous we were that this would work until the doctor called the day after retrieval and said, "You have 6 embryos. You are half way there!" Austin and I burst into tears and hugged. Neither of us said it out loud before but we both were worried about the what if's of this not working. Every time I think back through this process, I am reminded of so many things along the way but something that stands out to me is the blessing of my marriage. When the baby is born we will have been married 6 years. For all the heartache we have endured I would not trade one day of those years together just being married. The Lord blesses us in ways we usually dont even see at the time.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Count Your Blessings
Merry Christmas! What a year! We are now approaching our one year anniversary in Dallas. We are both shocked by how it has flown by. A year ago we were not only in the midst of fertility treatment and having to make big decisions there, but we were trying decide if the Lord was calling us Dallas. My mother said, "Take the job! Come to Dallas! You will need me close by when the Lord blesses you with all those babies!" Ah, my wise mother. :) We have needed her SO much already. She has been a constant care giver to us both through the many bouts of bedrest. She has jumped in whereever needed.... our cook, housekeeper, and full time cheerleader. Thank you mom, more than words can say...thank you. Sorry...total rant.
We are looking forward to spending Christmas close to home on doctors orders. Still playing it safe. The Templeton's will be with us and we are looking forward to relaxing and exhaling for the holiday.
Something funny and very 'hormonal pregnant woman of me', is the in the title of this post. There is a song by Diana Krall that I love. Count your blessings instead of sheep. This little bit of advice has actually really helped me on countless sleepless nights of worry for what is around the next corner. She sings..."I count my blessings. I think of a nursery full of laughter and curly hair." This Christmas I can't imagine there being anything under the tree that could even come close to competing with the gift we have already been given. The Lord has given us hope, something I thought long gone. He has granted us our greatest desire. Although we couldnt be more unworthy, He has given us the most amazing gift of all...His mercy. He has given us love in this life that many never know. A home full of love. Family who are related and some who are friends that fill our home with laughter. We are truly blessed. We are going to have a baby! Thank you Jesus, for the most precious gift.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
9 weeks, 5 days
Today we went back to the doctor and saw our precious little one. Jumping around, rubbing its little face, no more tail! So cute, so big, and we are SO blessed! I dont think I could have ever imagined this journey. Not even in the four years it has taken to get here. These last few months have been filled with tears of joy, sadness, fear and longing. Austin and I are exhausted. We have been bickering some, but nothing too bad. I praise the Lord for the years He gave us to strengthen our marriage. I feel so blessed to know Austin as my husband and friend, and now as a father to our babies. He is really the most extrodinary person.
Thank you again to everyone who is praying for us. I dont know how people make it though these things without their faith. Praise the Lord for anwsered prayer! I am pregnant! I AM PREGNANT!!! I dont think I will ever get tired of hearing it. I am truly the luckiest woman alive.
Thank you again to everyone who is praying for us. I dont know how people make it though these things without their faith. Praise the Lord for anwsered prayer! I am pregnant! I AM PREGNANT!!! I dont think I will ever get tired of hearing it. I am truly the luckiest woman alive.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
GRACE!!
I am pregnant!!! What an amazing blessing! We are so thrilled!!
I wish I could say this has been a stress free experience. It has been a bit of a roller coaster ride. On Nov. 2nd, we were told the best news ever...We were pregnant! To which I cried and started saying over and over, "Thank you Jesus!" We cried with the doctor, nurse and receptionist who had practically become family over the past 8 months journey here. Our doctor is an amazing man. He said to my great thanks...It is Him you should thank. I do nothing. Oh bless you Dr. Pinto for your faith in our great God! We went home and called tons of friends and family who have given us endless support and prayers over the last 5 years. All so precious to us. Austin and I went and had a nice steak dinner and came home in a state of blissful shock....we were finally here...parenthood.
One week later we were back in the doctor's office to find out (as Austin said) "Who's in there?" At this point I felt very sure that both embryos had taken. I was twice as sick, already showing a little, etc. The sonogram begins. Immediately we see two sacs! We begin to cry....we are having twins we say together! Such a blessing! We wanted twins so badly. Babies are looking good....heartbeats are strong. I ask, what's that as I point to the flat screen displaying my babies on the wall. The nurse, Amy, says....hhhmmm...well....um....that is a third baby! GASP! Austin immediately sinks to the chair (which is thankfully) underneath him. Our faces blank....we both say..."what?" and "are you sure?" Austin looks very pale and I am speechless but thinking First, how could this be? We waited to freeze the embryos until day 5 and 6 to insure they wouldnt split and then my next thought was...WOW! This is awesome! We take our pictures of the three new additions to the family and head back to work, along the way calling all those prayer warriors who have been holding their breath with us to know how many.
That afternoon the doctor asked us to come back in to confirm himself and go over a few details with us. By this time Austin is in good spirits and singing, "One little, Two little, Three little Fatheree's" I think, ok he was just freaked by the money it is going to take to raise three at the same time. All is going to be fine. The doctor comes in, sits down, very grave look on his face. He begins to outline the risks and complications common with triplet pregnancy. Retardation (I HATE THIS WORD, but is one that is used by everyone we talk to in the medical community from this point on) Blindness, and even death. Not to mention all the risks to me and my health. He says he knows our beliefs and convictions but is obligated to give us the option of fetal reduction. I begin to cry uncontrollably. I now know why Ausitn looked so grim earlier. He understood this when it wasnt even on my radar. Kill one of my babies?! Is this a horrible dream? Havent I waited 5 years to be pregnant? And now someone is actually telling me if I want healthy babies then one needs to die? This was an unimaginable thought to me. We left the doctors office (in separate cars) and headed home. I prayed harder than ever remember doing so before. I cried out to God to protect my children. My children! These babies are now more real to me than I could have ever imagined. These are my babies, a part of me and I couldnt love the more. We found peace in knowing that the Lord would hold our babies and focused on a healthy pregnancy. That weekend we celebrated Austin's 30th birthday with 50 friends, some in from Houston and some from Dallas. This lifted our spirits, to have our home filled with those we loved most and who had shown us such love.
The week of Thanksgiving arrives. We have an appointment with the OB I have selected to deliver the babies. Austin hasnt met him so this is an interview type of thing. The doctor is very encouraging. He has delivered 6 sets trips at or after 36 weeks. A miracle worker! We are feeling very good about this. At the end of the appointment the doctor asked if he could take a look at the trips. Of course! Love sono's...seeing my babies. His older, very small screen didnt leave me much view, but Austin could see. The doctor checks for heartbeats....all there...he tells me the risk of losing any now is down to 5%. AWESOME! Loving this doctor's appointment so far! Then he becomes very quiet. He and Austin are pointing at the screen and I am not sure what we are looking at. I say, " Is everything ok?" Hhhmmm....he says. Well get dressed and come back into my office, let's talk. Oh great! There it is....something is wrong. I sit back down with Austin and the doctor comes in. He says, I am not sure but it appears that you do not have a membrane separating your twins. This means that my pregnancy is now a much high risk for the babies. This puts the babies at almost certain risk of the cords tangling, killing both babies almost instantly, therefore having to deliver the third baby immediately...which would probably be very premature. AND (yes he goes on) There is a much higher risk for Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. He tells me that if the twins share a sac (no membrane) and a placenta this would make them MONO/MONO twins, very rare resulting from a late split, and there rate of healthy meaningful life would be about 30% chance. Crying uncontrollably again. He encourages me to have my fertility doc look for the membrane on his more fancy sono the next day. He says that selective reduction with mono/mono twins is the only certain way to insure a healthy pregnancy for at least two of them. We leave crying and overwhelmed.
Very next day at the fertility doc's office. He meets with us. Does his sono. Says there is no membrane and that he doesnt expect it to develop. Furthermore, a bleed has developed behind the twins. This could be my bodies way of naturally letting go of one of the twins. I am on modified bedrest until further notice. No travel by car. I decide I cant go to Houston for Thanksgiving. No way am I leaving my doctors radius. He says to expect bleeding. How did we want to proceed? Are you kidding?! I want all three of these babies to be healthy and I want to know that for certain right now. I am hysterical. I have struggled with panic in the past but controlled it well for years. Not today. I am made it home, day before Thanksgiving, and cried for hours. I could never make the decisions that appeared necessary for these babies. I prayed. Lord, please make this decision for me. Please Lord I want all three of these babies, healthy and full term. But if a decision has to be made...please make it for me...I cant. Our next doctor's appointment was a week away. An eternity away.
After a week of forced rest (sounds good, but more like a prision than one would think) we went back to the doctors office, many tears and worried days past. Nov. 28th, 2007. Amy begins the sono. Singleton baby comes into view first.....heartbeat is strong! Twins come into view....there is no movement....no heartbeats. She confirms....It appears by measurement that we lost the twins shortly after my last sonogram...both of them. Crying resumes....and yet the most guilty feeling of relief. The Lord has answered our prayer! Yet we have just lost two of our children. But we have one very healthy one. How can these two emotions coexists in my brain? Relief and Grief...
The remaining baby has little arm and leg buds....Now I am crying for joy of this life that looks so strong. Wait! What about the bleed? She says, looks good. No longer an active bleed. Relieved again. But the feeling of relief only bring guilt because how can I feel relieved when I just lost the twins? The cycle continues that day and hasnt gone away.
Austin and I have a different kind of news to deliver this time. I feel strangely ashamed to call and tell people this news. Like we have failed in some way. All those same people we love give us no surprise by weeping with us and continuing to love and support us. We decide to take the day off from work and try to sort out our emotions. I have a strange peace that I dont understand. I will take it for now. When we arrive home the news is waiting for us there...afresh. We decide we need to get out of the house. We go to the movies. When we get out we feel some what better and distracted. I check my cell phone absent minded....seeing all the missed calls of those reading our bad emails and calling to comfort us. The news was waiting for us again. We got home and sat down. What now? We cry again. This day has seemed so long. Let's just go to bed.
The next morning I am awoke by cramping and intense fear. I move from the bed to the couch and call the doctor. Amy calls me back. She says your baby should be fine. Just do not strain in any way. Dont even lift the laptop from my lap. (Something by then I have already done about 100 times) I am back on modified bedrest. I am going back to the doctor on Monday, Dec. 3rd to check for what we hope to be a strong heartbeat and healthy baby.
I wish I could say this has been a stress free experience. It has been a bit of a roller coaster ride. On Nov. 2nd, we were told the best news ever...We were pregnant! To which I cried and started saying over and over, "Thank you Jesus!" We cried with the doctor, nurse and receptionist who had practically become family over the past 8 months journey here. Our doctor is an amazing man. He said to my great thanks...It is Him you should thank. I do nothing. Oh bless you Dr. Pinto for your faith in our great God! We went home and called tons of friends and family who have given us endless support and prayers over the last 5 years. All so precious to us. Austin and I went and had a nice steak dinner and came home in a state of blissful shock....we were finally here...parenthood.
One week later we were back in the doctor's office to find out (as Austin said) "Who's in there?" At this point I felt very sure that both embryos had taken. I was twice as sick, already showing a little, etc. The sonogram begins. Immediately we see two sacs! We begin to cry....we are having twins we say together! Such a blessing! We wanted twins so badly. Babies are looking good....heartbeats are strong. I ask, what's that as I point to the flat screen displaying my babies on the wall. The nurse, Amy, says....hhhmmm...well....um....that is a third baby! GASP! Austin immediately sinks to the chair (which is thankfully) underneath him. Our faces blank....we both say..."what?" and "are you sure?" Austin looks very pale and I am speechless but thinking First, how could this be? We waited to freeze the embryos until day 5 and 6 to insure they wouldnt split and then my next thought was...WOW! This is awesome! We take our pictures of the three new additions to the family and head back to work, along the way calling all those prayer warriors who have been holding their breath with us to know how many.
That afternoon the doctor asked us to come back in to confirm himself and go over a few details with us. By this time Austin is in good spirits and singing, "One little, Two little, Three little Fatheree's" I think, ok he was just freaked by the money it is going to take to raise three at the same time. All is going to be fine. The doctor comes in, sits down, very grave look on his face. He begins to outline the risks and complications common with triplet pregnancy. Retardation (I HATE THIS WORD, but is one that is used by everyone we talk to in the medical community from this point on) Blindness, and even death. Not to mention all the risks to me and my health. He says he knows our beliefs and convictions but is obligated to give us the option of fetal reduction. I begin to cry uncontrollably. I now know why Ausitn looked so grim earlier. He understood this when it wasnt even on my radar. Kill one of my babies?! Is this a horrible dream? Havent I waited 5 years to be pregnant? And now someone is actually telling me if I want healthy babies then one needs to die? This was an unimaginable thought to me. We left the doctors office (in separate cars) and headed home. I prayed harder than ever remember doing so before. I cried out to God to protect my children. My children! These babies are now more real to me than I could have ever imagined. These are my babies, a part of me and I couldnt love the more. We found peace in knowing that the Lord would hold our babies and focused on a healthy pregnancy. That weekend we celebrated Austin's 30th birthday with 50 friends, some in from Houston and some from Dallas. This lifted our spirits, to have our home filled with those we loved most and who had shown us such love.
The week of Thanksgiving arrives. We have an appointment with the OB I have selected to deliver the babies. Austin hasnt met him so this is an interview type of thing. The doctor is very encouraging. He has delivered 6 sets trips at or after 36 weeks. A miracle worker! We are feeling very good about this. At the end of the appointment the doctor asked if he could take a look at the trips. Of course! Love sono's...seeing my babies. His older, very small screen didnt leave me much view, but Austin could see. The doctor checks for heartbeats....all there...he tells me the risk of losing any now is down to 5%. AWESOME! Loving this doctor's appointment so far! Then he becomes very quiet. He and Austin are pointing at the screen and I am not sure what we are looking at. I say, " Is everything ok?" Hhhmmm....he says. Well get dressed and come back into my office, let's talk. Oh great! There it is....something is wrong. I sit back down with Austin and the doctor comes in. He says, I am not sure but it appears that you do not have a membrane separating your twins. This means that my pregnancy is now a much high risk for the babies. This puts the babies at almost certain risk of the cords tangling, killing both babies almost instantly, therefore having to deliver the third baby immediately...which would probably be very premature. AND (yes he goes on) There is a much higher risk for Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. He tells me that if the twins share a sac (no membrane) and a placenta this would make them MONO/MONO twins, very rare resulting from a late split, and there rate of healthy meaningful life would be about 30% chance. Crying uncontrollably again. He encourages me to have my fertility doc look for the membrane on his more fancy sono the next day. He says that selective reduction with mono/mono twins is the only certain way to insure a healthy pregnancy for at least two of them. We leave crying and overwhelmed.
Very next day at the fertility doc's office. He meets with us. Does his sono. Says there is no membrane and that he doesnt expect it to develop. Furthermore, a bleed has developed behind the twins. This could be my bodies way of naturally letting go of one of the twins. I am on modified bedrest until further notice. No travel by car. I decide I cant go to Houston for Thanksgiving. No way am I leaving my doctors radius. He says to expect bleeding. How did we want to proceed? Are you kidding?! I want all three of these babies to be healthy and I want to know that for certain right now. I am hysterical. I have struggled with panic in the past but controlled it well for years. Not today. I am made it home, day before Thanksgiving, and cried for hours. I could never make the decisions that appeared necessary for these babies. I prayed. Lord, please make this decision for me. Please Lord I want all three of these babies, healthy and full term. But if a decision has to be made...please make it for me...I cant. Our next doctor's appointment was a week away. An eternity away.
After a week of forced rest (sounds good, but more like a prision than one would think) we went back to the doctors office, many tears and worried days past. Nov. 28th, 2007. Amy begins the sono. Singleton baby comes into view first.....heartbeat is strong! Twins come into view....there is no movement....no heartbeats. She confirms....It appears by measurement that we lost the twins shortly after my last sonogram...both of them. Crying resumes....and yet the most guilty feeling of relief. The Lord has answered our prayer! Yet we have just lost two of our children. But we have one very healthy one. How can these two emotions coexists in my brain? Relief and Grief...
The remaining baby has little arm and leg buds....Now I am crying for joy of this life that looks so strong. Wait! What about the bleed? She says, looks good. No longer an active bleed. Relieved again. But the feeling of relief only bring guilt because how can I feel relieved when I just lost the twins? The cycle continues that day and hasnt gone away.
Austin and I have a different kind of news to deliver this time. I feel strangely ashamed to call and tell people this news. Like we have failed in some way. All those same people we love give us no surprise by weeping with us and continuing to love and support us. We decide to take the day off from work and try to sort out our emotions. I have a strange peace that I dont understand. I will take it for now. When we arrive home the news is waiting for us there...afresh. We decide we need to get out of the house. We go to the movies. When we get out we feel some what better and distracted. I check my cell phone absent minded....seeing all the missed calls of those reading our bad emails and calling to comfort us. The news was waiting for us again. We got home and sat down. What now? We cry again. This day has seemed so long. Let's just go to bed.
The next morning I am awoke by cramping and intense fear. I move from the bed to the couch and call the doctor. Amy calls me back. She says your baby should be fine. Just do not strain in any way. Dont even lift the laptop from my lap. (Something by then I have already done about 100 times) I am back on modified bedrest. I am going back to the doctor on Monday, Dec. 3rd to check for what we hope to be a strong heartbeat and healthy baby.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Our Baby Journey
I am creating this blog to share with others our journey to parenthood.
My sweet husband Austin and I have been married 5 and half years. We have been trying for 4 of those years to have a child. Like many couples have been labeled 'unexplained infertility'. We have submitted ourselves to ton of tests, repeated those tests, and alas, not anwsers. We sought the treatment of a fertility clinic for the first time a year and half ago. We have had 5 failed Clomid cycles and 4 failed IUI cycles. We are now in the process of IVF. Our clinic has a greater success rate with FET (frozen embryo transfer) therefore we have decided to go that route vs. a fresh cycle. Our retrieveal was on Sept. 4th, 2007. They harvested 8 eggs, 4 of which were frozen at day 5. Oct 25th (8 days from today) we will have our first FET. What an exciting time! Half of the time I am picking out nursery linens and debating if it will be twins or a single child. The other half of the time I spend in doubt and angst. Will it work? What if it doesnt? How will I feel if it fails? Where will be go from here? I am spending way too much time on google reading way too much research. Hopefully I will have very good news to share very soon!
My sweet husband Austin and I have been married 5 and half years. We have been trying for 4 of those years to have a child. Like many couples have been labeled 'unexplained infertility'. We have submitted ourselves to ton of tests, repeated those tests, and alas, not anwsers. We sought the treatment of a fertility clinic for the first time a year and half ago. We have had 5 failed Clomid cycles and 4 failed IUI cycles. We are now in the process of IVF. Our clinic has a greater success rate with FET (frozen embryo transfer) therefore we have decided to go that route vs. a fresh cycle. Our retrieveal was on Sept. 4th, 2007. They harvested 8 eggs, 4 of which were frozen at day 5. Oct 25th (8 days from today) we will have our first FET. What an exciting time! Half of the time I am picking out nursery linens and debating if it will be twins or a single child. The other half of the time I spend in doubt and angst. Will it work? What if it doesnt? How will I feel if it fails? Where will be go from here? I am spending way too much time on google reading way too much research. Hopefully I will have very good news to share very soon!
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